Teach Me to Number My Days

In today's technological world, there are tracking devices to count virtually everything. Considering this fact causes great happiness for the math lover inside me. Numbers are everywhere.

How many steps are in my workout routine.
How many calories I've consumed at a meal.
How many likes I've had on Facebook.
How many days in my credit card billing cycle.
How many days until Christmas.
How many days it's been since I posted to my blog.

Ok, so it's been awhile since I've been online, writing for this blog. Here is my overt, non-apologetic defense. A lot has been going on in the last few months, and I've been actively participating in every moment of it.

To recap the highlights... I've watched 3 of my kids graduate: one from middle school, one from high school, and one from college, along with all the festivities associated with each. I've packed, moved, and unpacked in a new house. I've taken a traditional mother/daughter trip, precariously scheduled at the last possible second. I've planned and enjoyed our last full summer and family vacation with all 5 kids still living at home. (Sigh...) I've traveled to the east coast and to the west coast to help my kids transition into the next phase of their lives. I've taught my daughter to drive a car (which means I've also amassed a few more gray hairs). I've helped my other daughter recover from wisdom teeth removal. I've hosted an Australian friend of my son. Oh, and did I mention that I moved, attended high school graduation, and recovered my escapee dog who was roaming the neighborhood in the pouring rain, all on the same day??? That was the same day I think I had an emotional meltdown. I think you get the idea.

And then I took a breath.

I remembered a scripture that took on new meaning for me this summer.

"Teach us to number our days, that we may present to You a heart of wisdom." (Psalm 90:12)

My days are numbered. Your days are numbered.

I began to consider and ponder what that meant. If I were to go to the doctor and he had said to me, "Angie, you have only 6 months to live," how would I approach that 6 months? 6 months is definitely a number of days. To be exact, it's 180 days: a finite, soon-to-be-gone number.

So what is different about my life now as opposed to that hypothetical scenario? My true reality is that I have only a definite, specific, soon-to-be-gone number of days left on this earth. The difference is that I don't know the exact number of those days that I have left. Perhaps it's 20 years, or approximately 7,300 days. Perhaps it's 7 years or only 7 more summers. Perhaps it really is 6 months. 180 days. I do not know the exact number of my days. But I do know that they are numbered.

If you know that you have only a certain number of days to live, it affects your perspective, your outlook, your choices. You realize that each day is a gift, and that we all can make decisions about what is most important and how we choose to spend our time.

This summer, my first born child became a fully independent adult including a having a full-time job, an apartment, and insurance. That's the real indicator of adulthood: not the fact that you have attained to a legal drinking age, but that you have auto and health insurance. Congratulations. You are now an adult.

Additionally, this week my last child entered high school, and I began my 10th year of being the mother of a highschooler. I must admit that I was counting down the days of middle school. Just like toddlerdom, the end of middle school days could not come fast enough for me. Even so, it seemed like just yesterday that I was buckling up a carseat or reassuring a crying infant in the middle of the night.

Then I blinked.

Our days are numbered.

Though that realization of the finite quality of our life is vital, the next part of the scripture holds the most powerful insight for me. When I realize that each day is a gift, God can give me a heart of wisdom to purposefully and powerfully live out each of those days. Not only that, we then get to present that heart of wisdom back to Him, as a good and acceptable gift!

There are so many nuggets of truth I could share or thoughts we could ponder in this line of thinking, but I settled on just a few essentials in gaining the wisdom we need as we number our days.

1. Know your priorities and keep them in focus.

It is important to clearly identify your values, priorities and goals on a regular basis. I generally do this at least once a year, usually during the summer. Without a clear focus, the press of everyday life and busyness can quickly choke out the most important things. For me, that meant that my writing would have to take a backseat to my family this past summer because family is one of my top priorities. Remember: you will miss your target if you can't see it clearly. 

2. Live your life with no regret.

In saying this, I am not suggesting that we adopt the "Let us eat and drink, for tomorrow we may die" mantra that is mentioned in Isaiah 22 and alluded to in Ecclesiastes 8. As a follower of Jesus, my desires are no longer just for my own pleasure in life. We all have opportunities to serve, chances to love, places where we can engage fully in a God-ordained moment. There is purpose in our lives and impact that we can have while we are on earth. Those are the places I want to have no regret. As I look back, I want to have seized as many opportunities as I can to do what is in my heart, knowing that as I interact with God, he is inspiring and shaping my desires. My job is to follow these passions and priorities, and thus, follow Him.

3. Be in charge of your life, not a victim of it.

In Philippians, Paul said that he learned to be content in whatever circumstance, good or bad. I believe that contentment also has joy attached to it. If my joy is lost for significant periods of time, then I need to seek a solution to regain it. Pain and difficulty in life do come, but the majority of my life should not consist of suffering. In the list of fruit of the Holy Spirit, joy is 2nd on the list. It is essential as we journey through our numbered days. Not everything that happens in your life is ordained by God to happen. Yes, he is omnipotent, omnipresent, and all powerful, but the world we live in and our mortal bodies are subject to the consequences of the fall and of sin. We need wisdom to know when we are not experiencing all of the life that God intended for us, and the courage to pursue it and make changes as needed when our circumstances don't match up.

4. Reflection and gratitude must be a regular part of your life.

I recently read a list of attributes of happy people. Two of the things on the list were time for reflection each day, and expressions of appreciation. Without contemplation, it is sometimes difficult to realize where we should be thankful. Sometimes it is challenging to find something good in a day. That's where the reflection comes in. On the surface, circumstances may seem dark and dismal. As we look deeper, we will find reasons for gratitude.

Wisdom is personified throughout the Proverbs as a sometime elusive woman who, if found, can make a man wealthy and give him life. I hope to attain that wisdom as I number and consider each day. My resulting heart of wisdom is a gift I can then give back to Him.

Who is He to You?

At the mention of the word "Easter," images emerge in the minds of men, women, and children everywhere. Many of these impressions are based on actual experiences that occur in our lives. Sunrise services, cute frilly dresses, spring outfits, egg dyeing, egg hunts, bunnies, Sunday lunch, and an extra long holiday weekend.

There are 2 times of the year when church, God, and Jesus become more prominent in our minds and in the media than others: Christmas and Easter. It almost becomes a popular thing to do. In fact, the church we attend has issued tickets for reserved seating areas to attend one of their 4 services in a 3500 seat sanctuary. Of course there is still a general seating area, but all of the reserved seating is gone. I expect that all 14,000 available seats will be occupied over the 2 day event. Imagine that. 14,000 people hearing about the Easter story in just one of the many churches within 10 minutes of my home. Going to church is really the "in" thing to do this weekend.

Perhaps your immediate thoughts about Easter did not follow the general populace and you instead thought of Jesus, the cross, and the resurrection. These are paramount in my experience of Easter. It is, after all, the reason we celebrate this holiday.

But here's another question for you to consider as we approach the designated day of Easter celebration. Who is Jesus? Who is He to you?

During His time on the earth, Jesus asked his disciples many questions. One of them had to do with who people thought him to be. I believe it would be the same today if we asked a group of random people, "Who is Jesus?" You would hear a multitude of different answers, just like they expressed of Jesus in the Biblical account.

But the next question is the one that was most gripping. Then He said to them, "Who do YOU say that I am?" A few days ago, I was challenged with this question.

I've been a Christian for quite awhile and I have read the Bible many times. The things that come to mind immediately about Jesus may well be what you think of. He is the Christ. He is the way. He is the truth. He is the life. He is the Light. He is the lamb. He is the bridegroom. There are many more I could say without really even thinking.

But as I took the time to ponder, I found that there are significant personal encounters that I have had that define who Jesus is to me.

He is the omega. He is the end. During a difficult period of my life when I was in constant pain, unable to sleep, and in mental torment, He was there. He did not leave me, and He was my pathway to the end. Those dark days did come to an end, despite what the circumstances and the opinions of others would have led me to believe. He is the omega. He is the end.

He is truth. In the times when I was confused and without answers, and he was truth to me. My mind and the wisdom of the world did not give me the answers I needed, but He was truth. When an expert medical doctor said my daughter might not be able run like other children because of a curve in her leg bones, I went to Jesus for my truth. His truth was that she would be a testimony of His power and His healing. I remembered in gratitude as I watched her run last night and listened to the track coach as he watched her too. He believes she may be one of the fastest runners in the state. Jesus was truth to me when natural truth said otherwise. He says we will run and not get tired. He is truth.

He is the scarlet cord. The scarlet cord was a symbol of Rahab's protection, and the protection of her family, despite the utter destruction and devastation that surrounded her. He is that to me, when people and situations around me have crumbled. My family and I have been protected. Having experienced 2 campus shootings within that last year on campuses within a several mile proximity of where my children were physically located or where they actually attend, my family was protected. I was on one of those campuses just days before the shooting. The scarlet thread that is symbolic of our faith and reliance on Jesus has preserved our safety. He is the scarlet cord.

After quiet reflection and written expression, I created a memorial to express who He is to me. The entire event consumed only 30 minutes of my day. But its effects on my heart and spirit created strength and life that continue even days later. He is life. Living. Right now.

I challenge you to take some dedicated time this weekend. Consider and express what He is to you. Write it down. Create something symbolic of your reflections. Who do YOU say that He is?

Happy Easter.