Mary, Mary Quite Contrary

Words have power.

It's amazing how much what others say about us can shape what we think about ourselves. I was surprised recently at the stories of grown women who could still remember negative things that had been said to them from as early as age 4. Things like "you'll never find someone to love you" or "you'll never be good at school" were not uncommon. Hearing these women say that they could still vividly remember those spoken words clearly illustrated their power.

I do believe in the power of words.

I also believe I can choose to use my words to positively impact those people around me.

Mary wore a pale gray, over sized Disney sweatshirt, which hung loosely on her in an attempt to hide her expanding midsection. Her round face bore the effects of teenage acne, and it was beginning to show the signs of the encroaching years. Her thinning white hair was pulled into a simple, high ponytail, devoid of any attempt to mask its sparsity.

I hadn't really noticed her name until that day at a weekly mom's gathering. On that day, Mary repeatedly interrupted and turned the conversation to herself and her own stories, mostly of offense and hurt. This was not a new occurrence, but it had been escalating each week. Though her shared thoughts were valuable, I could see the possibility of an ever increasing hijacking of future sessions. Mary began to dominate more and more of the discussion.

As the conversation continued and I pondered our dilemma, I happened to look down at her name tag. "Mary," it simply said. As soon as I saw it, I began to think of the most famous Mary that I knew. This Mary at my table didn't look or act like any image I had of that Mary from long ago. Then I realized that sometimes inspiration in not based on logical thought. One thing I have learned over the years is that at times my thoughts are interlaced with impressions which I interpret as God's voice, and I prayed a silent prayer, asking for help with this lady. I certainly did not have a good plan about how to guide her (and rescue our group). As the meeting drew to a close, my thoughts became more ordered, and I decided to make my way around the table to speak with her.

I told Mary that her name was not an accident. Mary, in the Bible, was chosen by God with a unique purpose and destiny. "The same is true for you," I told her. "You were also chosen by God for something very special." I spoke this to her, hoping that my words would be encouraging. I sincerely believe that there is a design for each of our lives. Knowing that and seeking to find and engage in purpose is vital.

Tears began to flow down Mary's cheeks as the reality that she was valuable began to wash over her. "Really?" she asked, incredulous that her life had meaning and importance. I shared a few other simple things with her, as well as some advice on finding the sense of acceptance she was seeking. She sat, pondering what I had just told her. As I walked away, I left with the belief that my words had power to break through some of her insecurity and discouragement and leave her with a new confidence that would minimize the need to continually look to others for affirmation about herself.

Just as negative words have power to shape and form our images, so do positive ones. Adding our belief to words gives them ultimately more power. The Bible says, "The power of life and death is in the tongue." I had several options that day. I could have engaged her during discussions and corrected her publicly for interrupting. I could have resigned myself to the idea that she fit the image of the nursery rhyme "Mary, Mary quite contrary" or that she embodied one of the meanings for her name which is "bitterness." I could have walked away, assuming it was not my responsibility. Instead of all these options, I decided to give life with my words. I took 5 minutes to make a difference, to speak words of encouragement that have the power to displace the negative ones that have obviously been sown into her life.

Weeds grow much more readily than planted seeds, but that day I planted a good seed. The Mary in the nursery rhyme had a garden. In a way, we all have a garden in our hearts, where many words and feelings are planted.

I pray that the good seeds of encouraging words will grow in Mary's heart, and that the reality of belonging, usefulness, and purpose will supplant the insecurity and failure. That is how I hope her garden will grow.