If Only

I was recently reminded of a phrase I read a few years ago that seemed to jump off the page as I read it.

If only...

The book was my Bible.

As I began to ponder this phrase, I realized that I was guilty of giving those very words voice, usually in the recesses of my mind. I had wasted precious time and energy wishing that my situation was different. You may even have thought or said some of these things.


If only I had more time or money.

If only my wife or husband would change.
If only I had a good friend.
If only I wasn't sick.
If only this day (or this year or this season of my life) would be over.
If only I had done better with my children, my job, or my finances.

If only things were different.


This mode of thinking can produce 2 different results.

Wishing things were different can cause you to feel perpetually discontented.

Consistently allowing your thoughts to dwell on what could be -- the 'if only'-- can rob you of living a satisfied life. Negative or missing aspects of your situation can quickly overshadow and diminish the real, positive ones.

But there is another more productive result of these thoughts.

Wishing things were different can propel you to look for and take a step towards a solution.

Whatever the circumstances that you face, there is hope for a change.

There was once a woman who faced considerable difficulty in multiple areas of her life. This woman uttered the phrase 'if only' that leapt from my Bible in Matthew 9:21. This woman had a real issue: it was an issue of blood.

The unnamed woman featured in this short passage was constantly bleeding, and had been in that state for 12 years. She had been to multiple doctors and no one knew how to cure her. Whatever her financial state before, she was now poor and destitute because she had exhausted all her resources trying to discover a cure for her condition. And it gets worse. To understand the extreme difficulty of her situation, you need to understand the times in which she lived.

Bleeding was a stigma.

Even during normal times of menstruation, a woman was considered unclean and had to separate herself from the rest of the people. She was isolated. No one was allowed to touch her for 7 days.

This woman had been deemed unclean for 12 years. Not only that, anything or anyone that she touched was also considered unclean. The emotional pain caused by isolation was just as significant as the physical ailment that she had. There is a reason that the punishment of solitary confinement is reserved for the most unruly prisoners. It is a punishment that is difficult to bear. In today's world, this woman would be like someone with Ebola -- quarantined and separated from everyone else.

For the woman who had been to numerous doctors, tried numerous remedies, and exhausted numerous hopes, she dared to hope again. She had heard of someone who was making people well. This man wasn't a doctor. He was a teacher. She set out to find him and discovered him surrounded by a crowd of people.

In the midst of this situation, she thought these words, "If I only touch his garment, I will get well."

Though she was physically weak, alone, and carried the burdensome weight of past disappointments, she wasn't looking at her state in discontent or despair. She could have supposed many things. If only I wasn't sick. If only I had money. If only there was a cure. If only I wasn't alone. She instead chose to dwell on the hope of touching a man who had the potential to make her well.

But she didn't stop there. Thinking 'if only' is merely the first step. She didn't solely imagine the possibility. With the little energy she had left, she quietly slipped into the crowd and reached out, just enough to touch the outer edge of the fringe of his clothes. Just the threads, the tassels. From behind. No one would notice.

Mark 5 records that Jesus immediately stopped and said, “Who touched my clothes?” He was in a large crowd of people, so everyone around him was touching him. He realized that someone didn't just brush against him. Someone purposely reached out to touch his clothes, believing that the touch would cause something to happen.

As for the woman, she knew instantly that she was healed. She felt it. As everyone stopped and looked around, she confessed, terrified and trembling, that she was the one. Why was she afraid? She had just experienced something incredible. Her fear came from knowing that what she had done, touching a man while she was unclean, was against the law. Those that were unclean were required to call out loudly as they walked, ‘Unclean’ so that everyone could get out of the way and avoid them. Not designating yourself as unclean, and then touching someone in your unclean state would defile the person you touched. She took an enormous risk in reaching out to Jesus. Her touch could render him unclean. She was exposing herself and the one she touched to further isolation, as well as potential judgment and punishment.

But Jesus did not condemn her. Furthermore, he did not receive her uncleanness. Instead, he healed her, and he praised her faith.

The faith required to overcome fear and choose to step towards hope creates an atmosphere for a miracle.

Many times the answer we are seeking comes much later than we desire. This woman had repeatedly reached out for a remedy. She had been disappointed many times, but she also refused to give up. She extended herself in expectancy again despite scores of disappointments.

The name of the woman in this story isn't revealed in the Bible. However, the primitive church deemed her important enough to give her a name: Veronica. Church legend indicates that she may also have been the woman who gave Jesus her veil to wipe the blood and sweat from his face as he made his way to the cross. It is also a traditional belief that the image of his face remained on that veil. This unnamed woman's faith and charity is honored even today as Saint Veronica.

We have many issues. We have limitations. We have difficulties. My encouragement for you is to look past your situation. Take your 'if only' and turn into something active -- a hope-filled step towards a better circumstance. Take your 'if only' and reach out to touch God. There won't be anyone standing in your way. Your faith and action can create the environment for something wonderful to happen.

It's a New Day: 8 Keys to Seeing Change in Your Life

As I was pouring my coffee this morning, a pink and purple glow caught my eye from the adjoining room. This radiance emanated the dining room: the one room where we don't close the blinds at night. As I gazed out the window, I encountered this scene.

A new day. A stunning new day.

Not only was the sunrise brilliant and inspirational, the peace and serenity of the snow was a perfect border to this majestic scene.

It's a new day. And the compassion and faithfulness of God are new every morning.

This is one of the reasons I love mornings. I am fresh, awake (after a few cups of coffee), and the day ahead of me is full of possibility. That includes possibilities for positive change.

We all have things about ourselves or our lives that we want to change. For me, the perpetual perfectionist, the list is always growing. Even when I do make an adjustment, there is always something else waiting to replace my newly checked off item.

How can you make a change that is real and enduring? I believe there are some simple keys that have proven effective in my life. These principles can be implemented regardless of the time of year or your stage of life.

1. Limit what you want to change. One thing at a time is ideal.

As I mentioned, the list of things we don't like can be enormous. Part of the reason that achieving a lasting change is illusive is that we are focusing on too many things at one time. Though the quality of being a multi-tasker seems to be highly valued, the real truth is that we can only do one thing well at a time. Yes, we may be doing 10 things at once, but how well are we really doing them? Decide on one thing you want to change and focus only on that one thing. The one goal can be really small like flossing your teeth once a day. (Don't laugh. It was hard for me to start this habit.) Setting a single goal leads into the next key.

2. Make sure the area you want to change is specific, reasonable, and attainable.

Too often our proposed changes are way too general. I want to lose weight. I want a better job. I want to feel pretty or handsome. I want my kids to listen to me. Achieving a goal requires measurable, specific steps. Instead of simply having a goal to lose weight, make the goal more clear. I want to lose 5 pounds in 2 months. I want to eat 2 servings of fruits/vegetables a day for 4 weeks. I want to limit my caloric intake to a specific number, making sure the goal is reasonable. In the career category, how would you achieve the goal of a better job? Is there a better job available in your company? Do you first have to learn a new skill? How would you do that? If you desire to change the way you feel about your looks, perhaps you could decide that you want to choose to dress in nicer clothes or try a new haircut. If the goal is to change how you feel about your self image, there are numerous ways to achieve that. Find a way that is attainable for you. A goal of having your kids listen to you could be better stated as a deliberate attempt to listen to them first. Perhaps you need to stop talking so much and limit your words so they can really listen. It may involve taking them out for a special treat 1 time per week to encourage communication.

3. Realize that your change can not be dependent on a change in someone or something else.

This is a common roadblock to true and lasting change. We rest our hope for a change in another person's behavior or a change in our situation. The only person that you can control is yourself. Allowing your change to be dependent on some variable has your success hinging on that variable. A variable is just that: variable. The word means, "liable to change," and not always in a way that you would like. Find a way to state your goal so that other people's behavior or a change in the situation is irrelevant to whether or not you bring about your change.

4. Have reasonable expectations about the time frame that is necessary for the change.

Some goals are easier to achieve than others. I had heard it said that a habit takes 21 days to become automatic. When I searched it out, I found that one empirical study revealed that it actually takes 66 days (or 2 months) for a habit to occur! Wow. In other words, that would be the bare minimum for lasting change. Some real change can take several months or up to a year to attain. Once you have set a reasonable time frame, stick to it. If your interval from start to finish is quite long, then set up intermediary goals to track your progress. Look for ways to gauge progress on long term goals, and give yourself credit for small successes. Anything of substance that can be changed or built requires diligence and commitment, and time is a very important factor to consider.

5. Start.

It may seem simple and obvious, but many people spend more time wishing they could change than actually doing the legwork required to bring about change. There is a danger zone called the 'paralysis of analysis.' We go over and over the problems without thinking of a solution to bring about change. Sometimes we just analyze the solution without taking any steps to implement it. Once you define and determine your goal, just dive in. It can be scary at first, because getting something moving is much more difficult than keeping it going, according to Sir Isaac Newton.

6. Reward yourself for successes, however small.

Don't let discouragement or difficulty deter you from your commitment. Recognize any small level of success, and when there is a setback, get yourself back up and moving again towards the goal. None of us can do life perfectly, so plan for some mistakes. You must also remember: making a mistake or slipping out of your newly acquired habit doesn't mean you have failed. A few mistakes don't affect the long term results. If you taking two steps forward and then an occasional one step back, then you are still making forward progress. Celebrate that. One word of caution. Don't let any rewards you give yourself undermine the goal. For example, the perk for sticking to your diet should not be going out for a big dessert.

7. Get help. Identify encouragers who can cheer you on and get them on your team.

Change is difficult. Despite our best intentions and efforts, we all need encouragement when things become challenging. Friends or family who have the ability to remind us of our success, not our failure can bring a dose of a "can do" attitude when we need it most. Knowing who those supporters are in the beginning will help you to stay accountable as well.

8. Recognize and access God's strength and power in you through prayer.

I left this key for last because it is the one that is most important, and the one I want you to remember. God created you with purpose and destiny. Your ability to achieve that purpose is super charged by a vital living relationship with Him. All through the process of change, this faith will support and boost your efforts. It is the foundation, and it is the fuel that will strengthen you along the journey.

I am purposely ending up where I started. It is a new day, and the mercies of God are new for you.

I encourage you to read the rest of Lamentations 3 as you consider a change. "The Lord is my portion," says my soul, "Therefore I have hope in Him."

With that foundation in mind, today is a good day to make a change. What will your change be?