Consider It All Joy

I'm a Parenthood fan.

For anyone who isn't familiar with this Thursday night show, Parenthood is the fictional TV saga of the Braverman family, a multi-generational potpourri of personalities, relationships, and challenges.

I was among the 5 million people watching as the 6th season, and the entire series, came to a close. For those fans who haven't yet seen the finale, I won't spoil the ending. But I will say this. The writers were able to conclude a long run with a positive, though slightly rose-colored, ending for each of the characters. As always, there were tears, and there were smiles.

Although it had dedicated followers, Parenthood was never a highly rated series. The reason for that is possibly the same reason that I liked it.

Why did I like the show so much?

It wasn't because they explored nearly every challenge that possibly can be faced in parenting kids including rebellion, learning challenges, bullying, unplanned pregnancy, abortion, adoption, substance abuse, and even teenage kids exploring various and sometimes destructive relationships.

It wasn't because they examined multiple scenarios that adults could encounter including job changes, financial struggles, health problems, cancer, marriage trials, single parenting, discontent, intrusive in-laws, and aging parents.

It wasn't because each character was uniquely developed to make the whole of the group universally relatable, with even birth order commonalities represented in the four adult children.

It wasn't because they led us into sheer joy at events such as the birth of a baby, young love, sibling trust, dreams come true, a touching wedding, and the unshakable support of family.

Though all of these elements made the show enjoyable, these were not the principal reasons I continued to watch. I was entertained by the drama and the uncertainty, but those ingredients were not the primary appeal for me.

The captivating component of the show was the realism.

In the desperate and difficult situations that emerged, we could relate. In the heartwarming moments of triumph, we could relate.

The raw emotion, the struggle to communicate, the confrontation, the realization and expression that life can be really hard, the achieved desires, the fulfilled dreams. Those elements of the show touched a deep human connection with adversity & accomplishment, a sense of camaraderie in grappling with and overcoming the challenges of life. The Braverman view of life was brutally honest, with no sugar coating. The most poignant moments on the show were intensified with obscure yet touching songs, some of them seemingly created for that exact moment in time.

Furthermore, the Parenthood answer to nearly every gut wrenching moment was the ever present reality of family. In that, my heart resounded with agreement.

You see, I'm also a fan of real life parenthood.

Though I have not experienced most of the actual issues on the show, I have experienced many of my own joys and struggles. There were moments while watching the TV series where I could relate. Perhaps not in the exact context they chose to portray, but in some way, I had felt the same feeling. Parenthood gave voice to experiences in my own journey of life that expose real parenthood as a curiously intense mixture of love, jubilation and pain.

Perhaps that is why the ratings were not so high and why the show periodically bordered on the brink of cancellation. Sometimes people do not want to be reminded about their own life and their own pain. Sometimes it's easier to imagine a different life, someone else's life.

There is one key difference in my own parenthood experience from that of the storybook family. When faced with difficult situations, I have a hope that endures. In the trials of life that I experience, I have a faith that anchors me. In addition to my family, I have God walking with me on my journey. With that comes a host of supportive friends and relatives who help me through the challenges.

James 1:2 says to "Consider it all joy when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."

I know that difficulties test my faith. I know that the testing of my faith produces endurance. I also realize that I have access to wisdom that doesn't come from a TV show or from the best advice columns.

I am sad to see Parenthood, the TV series, go. But the final message they left us is true. However optimistic the show's ending may have been, I do believe there are real happy endings. I believe it because I have experienced the trials. I have gone through the difficulties. I have real life gut wrenching moments of indecision, turmoil, and pain. I have also experienced true joy and true contentment. I have seen real miracles in my life. Even in the difficulties, the result was endurance. My faith has been strengthened. And most importantly, I have encountered many happy endings along the way.

Life has challenges, but life is short. Life is too short to not pursue your dreams. Life is too short to waste a single moment that presents itself. Life is too short to fail to embrace and love the family around you. Life is too short to not live in the present reality, the good and the bad.

Life is too short to not consider it all joy.

Protected

I recently had an encounter with a great horned owl, an experience that touched something deep inside me.

On this particular day, I awoke much earlier than the rest of my family. With the recessed lighting on the dimmest setting, I relaxed in the solitude and quiet to enjoy my morning cup of coffee and read about one of the greatest men who ever lived: Abram.

Then in the predawn hours, I heard it just outside my back door. Who-h-who... who... who. (Listen)

My dog lay sleeping on her warm pillow, oblivious to the great nocturnal creature somewhere outside the window.

Noiselessly, I unlocked the door and tiptoed onto the deck. The sun was just breaking onto the horizon and the purple and orange glow was visible in the east. I could see the silhouettes of trees and houses, and I stood motionless in the morning chill. Then I heard it again. Who-h-who... who... who.

The owl was right there, not 20 yards from me, perched on the snow-tipped aspen branches, it's shape obscured by a smaller fir nearby.

To this lover of God's amazing creation, an incredible opportunity presented itself: to view the great horned owl, not in a cage, and oh so close.

Within 3 minutes, I heard it again. Such a beautiful sound, breaking the stillness of the night, the only noise except for a few early morning commuters. Carefully, I inched forward to see if I could catch a glimpse of the majestic creature.

I will tell you, however, that an owl's hearing is quite superior to my hearing. I observed the Aspen branches shake and bend beneath the owl's weight as he sprang into the air. Only milliseconds later, I saw his darkened shape swoop towards the ground, nearly touching the sparse snowy grass. He ascended quietly and effortlessly, and I watched briefly as he soared to a remote tree. I stood, transfixed to my spot, and after 5 minutes, I heard it again. This time the sound was more distant but again quite distinct. Who-h-who... who... who. A second voice returned his call from an outlying tree, much quieter and a little higher. Who-h-who... who... who. A female.

It was a beautiful experience as the sun peeked further above the neighboring houses. No one else was stirring. There were no other sounds. I stood and soaked up the scene until my body began to shiver and the sun exposed the day.

In the splendor of that moment, there was also a grave danger. The owl is a majestic bird, inspiring countless animal lovers to admire it's unique beauty. This creature is an avian wonder, unless of course, you happen to be a rabbit. Then it becomes a source of terror to be avoided at all costs. In the same backyard where I heard this owl, sat our black & white, lop-eared pet rabbit, Eugene. As I observed this lovely scene, he lay safely protected in his cage, most likely resting on his warm bed of straw, hearing what I was hearing only yards away.

I wondered if my rabbit felt fear as he heard the hoots. I don't think so. You see, Eugene sits under that fir tree every day, enjoying his daytime freedom, knowing that he is safe with our dog prowling the yard. The dog and the rabbit have a unique relationship. Our dog, Winnie has killed a wild rabbit that unknowingly entered our protective fence. But Winnie knows Eugene is different. He safeguards him from the hawks and owls that threaten his very existence.

Sometimes we are not aware of our own protection by our Creator. We feel that the limits of our life, our "cage," keep us from enjoying the freedom that exists. But I believe that our God is wise and sometimes does not answer all of our questions with a 'yes,' or allow us to experience all that we desire. He hears, sees and knows all that is around us. And he protects us, despite our occasional obliviousness.

We have a great protector, diligently watching over his creation. It is our responsibility to develop a loving relationship that opens up to us knowledge of and access to his loving protection. With that understanding, we can view what is around us with eyes of wonder, not eyes that see through fear.

Later that day, Eugene remained safe as the sun took full control of the day and the hoots were no longer audible. The creatures of the night -- the great horned owls -- were still out there. But their threat was lessened as the night had turned to day. Light causes them to fade into the background and wait until dusk comes again. Our rabbit was safe and gently cared for by his canine friend.

We too can rest, and be at peace, knowing that we are fully protected.

One White Girl's Perspective On "Selma"

On Thursday, Steve & I went to see the movie "Selma," a depiction of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.'s protest march from Selma, Alabama to Montgomery and his fight to gain voting rights for African Americans living in the South. We were commemorating his actual birthday by watching a powerful tribute to this extraordinary man.

There is no way to fully comprehend the depth of a person or event in 2 hours, but the benefit of a historical movie is exposure. Thousands of people can be transported to a time period that they may never have explored. Vivid images often remain for days, weeks or years after they are seen, occasionally spurring the viewer to learn more.

I emerged from the darkened theater with raw emotions. Racial injustice causes me deep pain. In some ways, I was ashamed to be white as I watched, repentant that in ignorance and small-mindedness, people of my race could be so cruel. I cringed when I saw the Confederate flag, knowing that a state I once called home still displays this flag at the state house. I also emerged with gratitude and hope. The result of this man's courage and perseverance still reverberates today.

I am fully aware of the history of our nation. I've read about it, and I have watched it on documentaries. Chances are that those from countries outside of the United States also know these dark parts of our history. The fact that multiple people groups have been subject to such severe mistreatment continues to be incomprehensible to me.

God created this amazingly beautiful diversity. You do not have to look far to see uniqueness on the planet. There are 900,000 different species of insects. Of those insects, there are 4,000 species of bees in North America alone. Just bees. The flowers that those bees pollinate come in nearly every color, shape and size, including the ones that produce the fruit and vegetables that we enjoy at our table. How much more is the magnificence of the diversity of the single element of creation that was made to think, feel, reason, and be in relationship with one another and with God.

I believe ignorance and fear lie at the root of racism. Bigotry is not a respecter of persons but rises against any who are different, whether by skin color, gender, beliefs, or age. Prejudice can highlight economic differences, social standing, and education. I despise these harmful forces.

I was struck by several elements of Dr. King's personhood during the movie. He was a deeply spiritual man, and most likely had some personal encounters with God. He loved his family fiercely, though his mission frequently took him away from them. He was unwilling to live with the idea that the status quo is all there is. He could also see the potential within his fellow man to live a more full life, and he fought for the right for every person to live up to that potential. He was strong and yet peaceful in his approach. He only wavered in his vision when he saw harm, injury and death come to those who walked alongside him. He had a dream, and he worked to see that dream fulfilled.

It takes courage to effect change, especially change in attitudes and ideas that are deeply held. It requires sacrifice. It requires commitment.

As was so poignantly portrayed on one of the bridge scenes in the movie, sometimes a leader doesn't follow a straight or well-defined path. At times, those following you do not understand your choices. A leader can be misjudged, misunderstood, disliked, and even hated at times. Though they are surrounded by throngs of people, leaders sometimes walk alone.

Dr. King's contributions to justice are indisputable. He made huge strides in righting wrongs that had been prevalent for years. But injustice still exists in our world in many different forms. We can be a voice of truth and righteousness in whatever sphere of life that we find ourselves.

"Selma" is not just about Dr. King. It is also about the brave men and women of all races standing together courageously to make our world a better place.

I encourage you to go see the movie. If you can't watch the movie, learn more about the man's life that allows you to have a day off from work on Monday. Allow the memory of Martin Luther King Jr. to spur you to have courage to be a voice. There is power in just one strong and clear voice of righteousness.

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing. 

-- Edmund Burke

If Only

I was recently reminded of a phrase I read a few years ago that seemed to jump off the page as I read it.

If only...

The book was my Bible.

As I began to ponder this phrase, I realized that I was guilty of giving those very words voice, usually in the recesses of my mind. I had wasted precious time and energy wishing that my situation was different. You may even have thought or said some of these things.


If only I had more time or money.

If only my wife or husband would change.
If only I had a good friend.
If only I wasn't sick.
If only this day (or this year or this season of my life) would be over.
If only I had done better with my children, my job, or my finances.

If only things were different.


This mode of thinking can produce 2 different results.

Wishing things were different can cause you to feel perpetually discontented.

Consistently allowing your thoughts to dwell on what could be -- the 'if only'-- can rob you of living a satisfied life. Negative or missing aspects of your situation can quickly overshadow and diminish the real, positive ones.

But there is another more productive result of these thoughts.

Wishing things were different can propel you to look for and take a step towards a solution.

Whatever the circumstances that you face, there is hope for a change.

There was once a woman who faced considerable difficulty in multiple areas of her life. This woman uttered the phrase 'if only' that leapt from my Bible in Matthew 9:21. This woman had a real issue: it was an issue of blood.

The unnamed woman featured in this short passage was constantly bleeding, and had been in that state for 12 years. She had been to multiple doctors and no one knew how to cure her. Whatever her financial state before, she was now poor and destitute because she had exhausted all her resources trying to discover a cure for her condition. And it gets worse. To understand the extreme difficulty of her situation, you need to understand the times in which she lived.

Bleeding was a stigma.

Even during normal times of menstruation, a woman was considered unclean and had to separate herself from the rest of the people. She was isolated. No one was allowed to touch her for 7 days.

This woman had been deemed unclean for 12 years. Not only that, anything or anyone that she touched was also considered unclean. The emotional pain caused by isolation was just as significant as the physical ailment that she had. There is a reason that the punishment of solitary confinement is reserved for the most unruly prisoners. It is a punishment that is difficult to bear. In today's world, this woman would be like someone with Ebola -- quarantined and separated from everyone else.

For the woman who had been to numerous doctors, tried numerous remedies, and exhausted numerous hopes, she dared to hope again. She had heard of someone who was making people well. This man wasn't a doctor. He was a teacher. She set out to find him and discovered him surrounded by a crowd of people.

In the midst of this situation, she thought these words, "If I only touch his garment, I will get well."

Though she was physically weak, alone, and carried the burdensome weight of past disappointments, she wasn't looking at her state in discontent or despair. She could have supposed many things. If only I wasn't sick. If only I had money. If only there was a cure. If only I wasn't alone. She instead chose to dwell on the hope of touching a man who had the potential to make her well.

But she didn't stop there. Thinking 'if only' is merely the first step. She didn't solely imagine the possibility. With the little energy she had left, she quietly slipped into the crowd and reached out, just enough to touch the outer edge of the fringe of his clothes. Just the threads, the tassels. From behind. No one would notice.

Mark 5 records that Jesus immediately stopped and said, “Who touched my clothes?” He was in a large crowd of people, so everyone around him was touching him. He realized that someone didn't just brush against him. Someone purposely reached out to touch his clothes, believing that the touch would cause something to happen.

As for the woman, she knew instantly that she was healed. She felt it. As everyone stopped and looked around, she confessed, terrified and trembling, that she was the one. Why was she afraid? She had just experienced something incredible. Her fear came from knowing that what she had done, touching a man while she was unclean, was against the law. Those that were unclean were required to call out loudly as they walked, ‘Unclean’ so that everyone could get out of the way and avoid them. Not designating yourself as unclean, and then touching someone in your unclean state would defile the person you touched. She took an enormous risk in reaching out to Jesus. Her touch could render him unclean. She was exposing herself and the one she touched to further isolation, as well as potential judgment and punishment.

But Jesus did not condemn her. Furthermore, he did not receive her uncleanness. Instead, he healed her, and he praised her faith.

The faith required to overcome fear and choose to step towards hope creates an atmosphere for a miracle.

Many times the answer we are seeking comes much later than we desire. This woman had repeatedly reached out for a remedy. She had been disappointed many times, but she also refused to give up. She extended herself in expectancy again despite scores of disappointments.

The name of the woman in this story isn't revealed in the Bible. However, the primitive church deemed her important enough to give her a name: Veronica. Church legend indicates that she may also have been the woman who gave Jesus her veil to wipe the blood and sweat from his face as he made his way to the cross. It is also a traditional belief that the image of his face remained on that veil. This unnamed woman's faith and charity is honored even today as Saint Veronica.

We have many issues. We have limitations. We have difficulties. My encouragement for you is to look past your situation. Take your 'if only' and turn into something active -- a hope-filled step towards a better circumstance. Take your 'if only' and reach out to touch God. There won't be anyone standing in your way. Your faith and action can create the environment for something wonderful to happen.

It's a New Day: 8 Keys to Seeing Change in Your Life

As I was pouring my coffee this morning, a pink and purple glow caught my eye from the adjoining room. This radiance emanated the dining room: the one room where we don't close the blinds at night. As I gazed out the window, I encountered this scene.

A new day. A stunning new day.

Not only was the sunrise brilliant and inspirational, the peace and serenity of the snow was a perfect border to this majestic scene.

It's a new day. And the compassion and faithfulness of God are new every morning.

This is one of the reasons I love mornings. I am fresh, awake (after a few cups of coffee), and the day ahead of me is full of possibility. That includes possibilities for positive change.

We all have things about ourselves or our lives that we want to change. For me, the perpetual perfectionist, the list is always growing. Even when I do make an adjustment, there is always something else waiting to replace my newly checked off item.

How can you make a change that is real and enduring? I believe there are some simple keys that have proven effective in my life. These principles can be implemented regardless of the time of year or your stage of life.

1. Limit what you want to change. One thing at a time is ideal.

As I mentioned, the list of things we don't like can be enormous. Part of the reason that achieving a lasting change is illusive is that we are focusing on too many things at one time. Though the quality of being a multi-tasker seems to be highly valued, the real truth is that we can only do one thing well at a time. Yes, we may be doing 10 things at once, but how well are we really doing them? Decide on one thing you want to change and focus only on that one thing. The one goal can be really small like flossing your teeth once a day. (Don't laugh. It was hard for me to start this habit.) Setting a single goal leads into the next key.

2. Make sure the area you want to change is specific, reasonable, and attainable.

Too often our proposed changes are way too general. I want to lose weight. I want a better job. I want to feel pretty or handsome. I want my kids to listen to me. Achieving a goal requires measurable, specific steps. Instead of simply having a goal to lose weight, make the goal more clear. I want to lose 5 pounds in 2 months. I want to eat 2 servings of fruits/vegetables a day for 4 weeks. I want to limit my caloric intake to a specific number, making sure the goal is reasonable. In the career category, how would you achieve the goal of a better job? Is there a better job available in your company? Do you first have to learn a new skill? How would you do that? If you desire to change the way you feel about your looks, perhaps you could decide that you want to choose to dress in nicer clothes or try a new haircut. If the goal is to change how you feel about your self image, there are numerous ways to achieve that. Find a way that is attainable for you. A goal of having your kids listen to you could be better stated as a deliberate attempt to listen to them first. Perhaps you need to stop talking so much and limit your words so they can really listen. It may involve taking them out for a special treat 1 time per week to encourage communication.

3. Realize that your change can not be dependent on a change in someone or something else.

This is a common roadblock to true and lasting change. We rest our hope for a change in another person's behavior or a change in our situation. The only person that you can control is yourself. Allowing your change to be dependent on some variable has your success hinging on that variable. A variable is just that: variable. The word means, "liable to change," and not always in a way that you would like. Find a way to state your goal so that other people's behavior or a change in the situation is irrelevant to whether or not you bring about your change.

4. Have reasonable expectations about the time frame that is necessary for the change.

Some goals are easier to achieve than others. I had heard it said that a habit takes 21 days to become automatic. When I searched it out, I found that one empirical study revealed that it actually takes 66 days (or 2 months) for a habit to occur! Wow. In other words, that would be the bare minimum for lasting change. Some real change can take several months or up to a year to attain. Once you have set a reasonable time frame, stick to it. If your interval from start to finish is quite long, then set up intermediary goals to track your progress. Look for ways to gauge progress on long term goals, and give yourself credit for small successes. Anything of substance that can be changed or built requires diligence and commitment, and time is a very important factor to consider.

5. Start.

It may seem simple and obvious, but many people spend more time wishing they could change than actually doing the legwork required to bring about change. There is a danger zone called the 'paralysis of analysis.' We go over and over the problems without thinking of a solution to bring about change. Sometimes we just analyze the solution without taking any steps to implement it. Once you define and determine your goal, just dive in. It can be scary at first, because getting something moving is much more difficult than keeping it going, according to Sir Isaac Newton.

6. Reward yourself for successes, however small.

Don't let discouragement or difficulty deter you from your commitment. Recognize any small level of success, and when there is a setback, get yourself back up and moving again towards the goal. None of us can do life perfectly, so plan for some mistakes. You must also remember: making a mistake or slipping out of your newly acquired habit doesn't mean you have failed. A few mistakes don't affect the long term results. If you taking two steps forward and then an occasional one step back, then you are still making forward progress. Celebrate that. One word of caution. Don't let any rewards you give yourself undermine the goal. For example, the perk for sticking to your diet should not be going out for a big dessert.

7. Get help. Identify encouragers who can cheer you on and get them on your team.

Change is difficult. Despite our best intentions and efforts, we all need encouragement when things become challenging. Friends or family who have the ability to remind us of our success, not our failure can bring a dose of a "can do" attitude when we need it most. Knowing who those supporters are in the beginning will help you to stay accountable as well.

8. Recognize and access God's strength and power in you through prayer.

I left this key for last because it is the one that is most important, and the one I want you to remember. God created you with purpose and destiny. Your ability to achieve that purpose is super charged by a vital living relationship with Him. All through the process of change, this faith will support and boost your efforts. It is the foundation, and it is the fuel that will strengthen you along the journey.

I am purposely ending up where I started. It is a new day, and the mercies of God are new for you.

I encourage you to read the rest of Lamentations 3 as you consider a change. "The Lord is my portion," says my soul, "Therefore I have hope in Him."

With that foundation in mind, today is a good day to make a change. What will your change be?