My boys proved to fit the stereotypes in many ways. My oldest son was bright, but he struggled with anger, tantrums, and so needed to be perfect and win that we once had to work for a solid year to help him learn to take a 1-minute timed math speed drill without falling apart in frustration and anger. It was OK to not finish, I told him. This is meant to help you stay patient, work steadily, and gradually learn how to budget your time and improve your skills. It was a small milestone, but a milestone nonetheless. During some of those years, I struggled to like him. He was smart but very difficult to train. Today, that son is 2000 miles away at the #1 Honors College in the US. He is there on a full scholarship because we took that year to help him deal with his impatience and frustration. The emotional work he did as a 2nd grader later led to a near perfect score on one of the hardest timed tests that exists - the SAT. That score (and his perseverance in high school) led to multiple full scholarships (combined at over $100,000) for his undergraduate work. He sent me a text and picture this week personifying another small skill we worked on throughout childhood -- gratitude and humility. He wrote to thank me for helping him learn in his early years. He also sent a photo of a Honors professor's comments and corresponding 'A' on the paper he wrote. There were many days in homeschooling 'isolation' of working on character in addition to the books. My heart swelled with motherly pride as he exemplified in his almost 20-year-old body and soul all that we had hoped for him to achieve. He loves God and credits him (and his parents) for the place where he walks today. He still loves to learn because we enjoyed nature, science and history together. He made inventions and we took many field trips. It was a long road, but I can say that I not only love him, but he is one of my favorite people to be around and talk to.
My second son was more laid back as a kid. He was the life of the party and the one who could smile at you and get away with murder. His room was always a wreck, and putting him into a desk or at a table to school was akin to medieval torture. As I watched his brother sit quietly in the adjoining room, checking off his school list, I chased down this son to bring him back to the task at hand. He walked in circles to 'think' and was always moving a body part while working. He tapped his pencil (or threw it at his sisters). To get a 4th grade report done one year, I resorted to having him tape record his thoughts, because he struggled to sit still long enough to write down the words. We painstakingly worked to improve his penmanship, with many allowances along the way. I realized it was ok if he wanted to play with legos while I was reading out loud. He could move, stand up, walk around, and remember more of the story that way. Today, this son is a senior heading towards graduation at one of the top 200 public high schools in the nation (it happens to be a prep school). He carries an unweighted 4.0 and will graduate as valedictorian of his class of 81 high achievers. His grades and test scores have resulted in him having his choice of 3 top Honors Universities, Berkley, & UCLA. His scholarship offers will probably combine to be more than $30,000 per year at these schools. In addition to carrying a full load with 5 AP classes, he played 4 Varsity Sports this year, one of which resulted in a Division Championship. He has maintained his morals in the midst of a group of young men who smoke marijuana after school, and various other things. His bed still isn't always made, but he does manage to maintain his excellence in the midst of very busy schedule. In his spare time, he has worked on his passion (video and photos) to develop his own company and produce video for school events as well as a local business.
The point of all this is not to brag on my boys (though I could do so legitimately). The point is to encourage you in your journey with your sons. It is challenging. There are times when you want to give up. Don't! Stick to the job of parenting. Hold to your values and expectations. Love them and train them through their weaknesses. Show them the joy of learning and discovering, and allow them to be boys. Through the grace of God and hard work, they will become men of character and success.
The world needs more of these kind of men. I am adding two such men to that mix.
